Hooked On a Feeling

It seems to be a growing trend that movies work to uphold the concept that couples who have found love, might not have it for very long. That a decision you thought was right, might reveal itself to be wrong when you least expect it.

Case in point: Serendipity. What a pile of garbage. And you know what's terrible? Every time it comes on TV, I have to watch it. I hate this movie.

It constantly begs its viewer to question everything, to wonder what would be different if you had made a different choice. Films like this serve as a cautionary tale. One mis-step and you could end up settling, and who wants to settle?

While I should be enthralled over the fact that John Cusack is starring in yet another movie of opportune moments involving in climate weather, it's difficult to accept its message. Not to mention that two engagements were called off over a feeling. One of them, including the actress Bridget Moynahan who's been broken hearted in Sex and the City, that awful show Six Degrees, Serendipity and from what I've come to understand, also in real life. While I believe in destiny and the magic that can exist between two people, I'm troubled by the fact that we're told to question our judgement.

On another note, high five to John Corbett for delivering one of my Top 5 lines in a romantic comedy. "You can't fend off an army of bloodthirsty Vikings with a Shenai. It's illogical."

Zombies? What Zombies?

Ew.

Gross.

I was hopeful that this last episode of Walking Dead was going to ride the heels of its previous episode and stick to the action that it laid ground work for. Sadly, Cherokee Rose left something to be desired. (Like any kind of sustainable plot.)

Instead of finding Sophia, bringing back Merle or I don't know, doing something that involves motion - We instead find this motley crew still lounging around the Farm. Carl seems to be doing better which has only made for even more drawn out scenes involving his parents sitting quietly by his bedside watching him sleep. Hershel has told Rick that after Carl is back on his feet that the group should think about moving along. Rick is upset by this but I'm secretly hoping this actually comes to fruition so that something new can happen. 

But oh, lest I forget half the episode they wasted trying to fish a bloated water logged zombie out of a well. For what purpose? I'm not sure. It was explicitly known that there are other water sources on the land so I'm not sure what the big deal was. When in doubt, if you can't shoot a zombie and contaminate the water, you should send live bait down there to fish him out. Yes. Solid plan. Which of course, as we all know, a water logged zombie will only split in two spilling its inerds all over the place if you try and do this. Amateurs! 

Skip to Maggie and Glenn deciding, sure why not, let's have sex in the drug store because the world is ending. I get it. But what I don't get is - WHERE DID ALL THE ZOMBIES GO?! Your horses are loosely tied up outside just waiting to be eaten and you're just going to lay around on this sun soaked floor with the door unlocked? You absolutely deserve to be eaten. But alas, no, apparently there are no more zombies in Georgia. They only come around when it's super inconvenient. Daryl takes a walk in the woods at yet another last ditch effort to find Sophia. What does he find? Definitely not any zombies! He brings back a Cherokee Rose to Sophia's mournful mother and explains its derivation with an enchanting tale of the Trail of Tears. Is it just me or does anyone else have a crush on Daryl? He's actually quite sweet. (Yet how is he the only dirt-covered person on this show? He's a regular Pig Pen.)

And then, of course, Lori scores a pregnancy test from Glenn's successful trip to the drug store. She decides not to use the convenience and privacy of the indoor plumbing, but instead wanders off dramatically into the darkness to pee on a stick in a field. The outcome? Pregnant. Pregnant with whose child? Considering this show moves at a snail's pace, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is Shane's child. And this brings us full circle to the first season, (AKA, three days ago).

My hope is that something completely ridiculous and shocking happens in the next episode to shake things up and get things moving again. My guess? Hershel and his family are hiding a big secret, thus causing Rick's crew to run screaming back onto the dangerous and ZOMBIE-FILLED highway. I hope they find their plot there.

Thanks for Everything, Carl

Carl, you big jerk. Had to go touch a deer, did you? You realize this has now turned the plot around in a million different ways? You've done a super job is stealing the show and making your characters do things they never would've done before. Oh, how you've elevated this plot line and challenged its characters to flip the needs of their development. Le Sigh, Carl. Don't you feel just great about yourself? Hold on - let's dial this back. We should be thanking this little monkey for picking up the pieces of a slow start to the second season of The Walking Dead. Without him, we'd still be watching Andrea roll her eyes at not-her-father Dale and searching for an already assumed dead little girl in the woods. High five, Carl.

So, I'll start with the most obvious plot point: Shane's gone all GI Jane, has he not? Wow. I didn't see that coming at all. For once the show has stopped playing it safe. I for one, enjoyed the lack of precaution this episode took. For once, it's not just how a zombie could bite someone else that has me sitting rigid. What the show needed was some good old fashioned character development. Shane has now left a man behind and what's more, was the cause of it. What you think would be a normal "turns out we made it!" run to the high school has led to poor, poor Otis being shot in the leg and left for dead. Not only did Shane shoot him, but he wrestled him to the ground then proceeded to look back at him being torn limb from limb by thirsty zombies. Wowee, does he have some s'plaining to do.

The group is now divided between the farm house and the highway. Rick and Lori are sitting by Carl's bed hoping for a miracle and trading Shane stories as they wait for he and Otis to return with a respirator to perform Carl's surgery. Andrea and Daryl bond while disappearing into the dark woods and shining their flashlights on everything while a concerned Dale awaits them on the highway.

T-Dog and Glenn arrive at the farm house to seek medical attention for T-Dog's injured arm. Aside from the blossoming romance between Glenn and the new girl Maggie, my favorite part of this exchange is Maggie's question: "Did you lock the gate?" The gate? Oh, so that's what's keeping the zombies away from their 10 acre farm. The GATE! Ah, it all makes sense now. It's the gate that's allowed them to sit on the porch and avoid this whole end of the world thing. The gate is the reason that all the zombies in Georgia aren't allowed to ruin this beautiful Little House of the Prairie scenario. How smart! If only other would-be survivors could take a cue from this genius group of renegade zombie killers... Build a GATE! I can think of so many movies now whose outcome would've been so much different had they only had the foresight to build a f*#king GATE! Jaws? Carrie? Night of the Living Dead? Any space movie ever made? GATES!

What gave me pause, however, was the mystifying way in which Lori spoke of the fate of her son. When questioning whether or not they'd like to proceed with Carl's surgery, Lori wasn't sure if they should. She wondered if the kind of world they live in was suitable for children and that maybe Carl's death was a better option. While a part of me could understand that mentality when faced with an environment overrun with zombies, I'm not convinced that Rick's job should've been to convince her to believe in life again. How ridiculous was it that Rick essentially leaves it up to her in the end as to whether or not they're going to operate on Carl? I imagine that it had everything to do with wanting her to say, "Life is beautiful even if we're all going to be eaten soon - let's save him!" But in the end, that's still your son! You're still the father! That's your job, man! Yet I'm enjoying the fact that the deer has remained in the forefront of this story for a good three episodes.

The episode itself was eloquently timed, performed and executed. The story line with Shane should only get more interesting from here and I look forward to seeing how dark they can take him. (Having accidentally seen a spoiler online, I have a good feeling I know where Shane will go...) Carl? Well, Carl will definitely live. Think of the deer! Think of what we're fighting for! And for Sophia - wait, who is Sophia?

Love in Sheep's Clothing

So, I like bad movies. I love romantic comedies and I can certainly stomach the occasional terribly predictable plot. I thought that a mindless night filled with a partially nude Jack Gyllenhaal would do wonders for my brain dead spirit. I quickly discovered that a story filled with not only a partially nude Jake Gyllenhall, a totally nude Anne Hathaway and a horribly depressing yet not fully extended plot sidetrack featuring Parkinson's disease was not something I had taken into account nor care to ever again.

Love and Other Drugs was not the whimsical jaunt through a casual sex comedy I had pictured. Actually, I'm not sure what I pictured. But gratuitous sex scenes with Hathaway's unabashed breasts and the feeling that at any moment someone was going to mention Parkinson's disease was a bit more than I cared to handle.

For any great sexual dramedy, you've got the basics down:
-Attractive Protagonists Wherein One Doesn't Want the Other
-Annoying Jonah Hill-esque Sidekick
-Enough Conflict to At Least Get You to Act Three
-An Insurmountable Feat That Can Only Be Pursued By the Power of Love
-One Good Chase Scene That Ends With An Expression of Already-Revealed Feelings

This was a normal love story in sheep's clothing : Parkinson's clothing. I feel like this is what every single love story is trying to tell these days but trying to do it in some drastically new and different way. Can we all agree that it just doesn't work anymore? We need a new story!

I don't care how many social issues you tack on or how many gratuitous sex scenes with hot co-stars you try to illuminate, we are very very bored.*

*These stories can and should, however, include a few more scenes with a partially nude Jake Gyllenhall. That part, sure, you can keep.

Is The Walking Dead Dead?

Ah, Season Two...

A time of reflection, a time of character adjustments, a time in which the show must change drastically between one set way of doing things and another. The past does not exist. Haircuts come and go, character's wants and needs change shape and kids continue to come to grips with their own mortality. In this dark reality we now find ourselves in, there are only two tasks at hand: Killin' Zombies and Makin' You Feel Super Awkward Doing It.

We've been sucked into a magical time portal. One in which a mere two days have passed between the group's explosive encounter at the CDC and another "Should We Really Be Doing This?" road trip through the cluttered graveyard-y streets of Georgia. Yet what has changed between seasons? While there have been some drastic changes behind the scenes at AMC, one would hope there wouldn't be too much of a shift in the scenes themselves. Tragically, there is. From the magical blend of the slow meandering shots and gritty effects that left you anxious to the quicker pace that let you know this was still an action thriller - Season One really had it's own niche vision. Season Two? Not so sure.

The tempo has been knocked down a few strokes. Much like Lost, the show is now taking its sweet time to tell a broader story. Yet, hasn't the story only advanced two days? If you missed the first two episodes, don't worry - I can catch you up in two paragraphs:

On their quest to seek a new life, the gang decides to head down the road to a military base and along the way hit a road block on the highway. While they're waiting to get up and running, a herd of Walkers stroll by. The gang is able to hide under cars, which we all know can mask the smell of living brains. T-Dog slices his arm apart, Andrea reveals she's still hellbent on ending her life and oops we're down one missing girl. A group descends into the woods to track her down but instead find a few stray Walkers. (One of whom they gut open Alex Kintner-style to see if he's feasted upon the missing girl.) Carl is shot while trying to have a moment with a deer, (sure, yeah) and rushed to a nearby home where we meet another group of survivors.

These survivors have held up remarkably well in a cute as a button farm house in the middle of nowhere. While other homes have been overrun with Zombies or shut in hurricane-style, these survivors look as if they're always on the verge of having afternoon tea on the porch. Rick and Lori stand by as the kindly doctor/veterinarian attempts to remove the shards of stray bullet. Meanwhile, Shane and one of the new housemates tries to rescue medial supplies from an overrun high school, yet get trapped in the process. Two episodes in and we're within a two mile radius of where it began.

Yet isn't The Walking Dead mostly about the love triangle between Rick, Lori and Shane? Season One had the set up down perfectly. Lori thought Rick was dead and continued an end of the world romance with Shane in his absence. Turns out Rick wasn't dead and they continue keeping the secret of their affair. That is until Season Two when Shane's brooding eyes and Lori's penchant for suffering starts to bubble up to the surface. I'm not sure why Lori insists on constantly putting Shane in his place, yet scolding him for not being a better Father figure to her son. The bomb must be dropped at the some point when Rick discovers their past. What will happen to these three star-crossed lovers? Quite honestly, I could care less. You guys are adults. Let's get back to Zombie slaying.

All in all, I'm not overly disappointed in the beginning of Season Two. I could do without the voice over montages and could probably skip the green screen effects. But in general, they've done a somewhat descent job of picking back up where they left off in Season One. They've kept it suspenseful and creepy with just a touch of Twilight for those certain someone's who need an extra something to keep it interested. I'm curious as to what might follow and I'm pretty sure it's not someone winning.

And oh yeah, remember the lost girl in the woods? I don't.

"The Better To Eat You With."

With my nuptials only a few months away, I've taken it upon myself to revisit several films focused on the issue of marriage. Surprisingly, there does not exist a high percentage of positive stories on the position of forever and ever.

I remember seeing Prelude to a Kiss when I was younger and recall my eleven year old brain attempting to expand twice its size. It's a tricky concept, this notion of forever and ever. A story about a man and a woman having their lives turned upside down on the day of their wedding by a pesky episode of the wife and a stranger switching bodies makes this a little complicated.

No matter how you slice it, marriage gets a bad rap in film. Whether it's a tale of a couple not making it down the aisle because of their feelings of a long last love. A familiar tale of boy meets girl, boy falls out of love with girl. A marriage that falls apart years and years later... Marriage seems to carry a rain cloud over head.

Prelude to a Kiss seemed to be a slight exception. What starts as a common theme takes a delightful twist that leaves you with an unfamiliar feeling.

We meet Rita and Peter, (Meg Ryan and Alec Baldwin) in the blissful throes of that first stage of attraction. They meet, fall head over heels and soon make their way down the aisle. Yet during their reception, an odd elderly man stumbles in an appears out of place. He and the nervous bride exchange a silent moment before engaging in a congratulatory wedding kiss. The sky turns black and immediately we know that they have switched souls. What follows is an unfortunate string of events that clue Peter in to the fact that he does not know who he has married.

We've all seen movies portraying the switching of bodies and how it works for the protagonist to gain knowledge about themselves and the world around them. But I felt like Prelude to a Kiss was one of the greatest exceptions due to the exquisite way the characters interact after this event takes place.

To me it was more of a metaphor for how most couples can have that uneasy feeling surrounding this business of ever after. What if this person changes? What if this person isn't who I think they are? What if one day that thing they do with their fork sends me through the roof? Really, who is this person after all? What better way to highlight those questions than the physical switching of personalities and souls.

Baldwin's character feels the disappearance of his bride and the pang of loneliness in the days following this evident loss. That lively, vivacious woman he once loved seemed to have the light fade behind her eyes. The way she chewed her food, the way she sat in a chair, the way she didn't get his jokes. Everything was gone and he was in exquisite despair.

What the couple learns in the end is important and real. I can only hope that on the day of my wedding, I don't need to switch souls with anyone to learn this lesson. Hopefully I'll learn this lesson the old fashioned way....twenty years from now.

"You have a nice personality and you know sweaters."

If I were to draw up a list of some of my favorite Woody Allen films, the ones that would take the cake would be Purple Rose of Cairo, Hannah and Her Sisters, Manhattan, Sleeper and Annie Hall. I had forgotten all about the often overlooked 1990 gem Alice.

After re-watching this film, I'd go out on a limb and say that it's quickly climbed into my top three Allen films. What captures me most about this story, is the painfully funny way he chooses to create his latest Mia Farrow heroine. Farrow's character, Alice, is almost a walking parody of every modern day housewife who finds herself in a state of confusion over the course of her life. Only on drugs!

Alice Tate finds that after sixteen years of marriage to her husband Doug, (played by the fantastic William Hurt) she is oddly drawn to a stranger at her children's school. She questions her marriage, her life and the unmovable position that she's settled into. The love she feels for her husband has turned into what I so often dread about most of Allen's films after a time. It's a love that has turned into a monotonous, tired, lackluster affection that has sullied the protagonists' place in their world. While I don't often enjoy the message that Woody Allen pretends to tell differently in every film, I will say that things were quite different in Alice.

Alice seeks the medical attention of a highly recommended doctor in China Town. After a brief hypnosis, he suggests that it is not her back pain that is the problem, but in her mind. He gives her the first of what would be many exotic herbs with little explanation of its effect. Alice quickly discovers that these remedies allow her to step outside of herself in physical and metaphorical ways. What follows is a fun jog through several hilarious episodes that Alice finds herself involved in. Her life begins to change, not so much in a 'You will be visited by three ghosts' way, (unless you count the ghost of Alec Baldwin who decides to fly her around a moonlit Manhattan). 

You can often tell a well-crafted Woody Allen movie apart by the way he chooses to end the story. So often, I'm left wishing it didn't have the trademark stamp at the end credits -- that familiar feeling that you've been cheated into being spoon fed his sad take on relationships. (Yes, I am an enormous Woody Allen fan, but I can still be jilted!) Alice is the exception. The credits roll and you feel like you've invested your time wisely in this story. You're left happy for the characters and pleased that you still have your sense of humor intact. 

For an uplifting take on life, I'd revisit Alice anytime.

Nobody, Baby But You and Me

Since its premiere, the mere mention of the film Blue Valentine has become synonymous with the phrase: "Don't see it if you're in a relationship." I had to wonder what could possibly drive most of the people I know to repeatedly turn this phrase. What could possibly be so heart breaking and so challenging to get through in less than two hours of cinema?

After finally sitting down to watch the film, I think I'd only edit the phrase by saying: "Don't see it if you're in a bad relationship." Or perhaps, more directly: "Don't see it if you live in rural Pennsylvania and marry someone with little life ambition while you slowly become more heartless and unaffected."

Of course it's sad. Hell, it's devastating. The irony is, I haven't seen in a movie in a long time that created the believable structure of a relationship as well it's destruction. In most stories, you only get one or the other and quite honestly, I've never believed either. When telling the tale of two people falling in love, you don't really see the tiny pieces that get them there.

Blue Valentine did an amazing job stretching out the infinitesimal reasons why people can fall into a state of such perfect, undeniable love and attraction as well as how those things can begin to disintegrate over time. It's real, it's honest and it's terribly depressing.

Over the course of an average lifespan, you're going to be able to relate in a small way to how relationships can fall apart. That first love that broke your heart, that guy you realized was your best friend, the hot guy who you had nothing in common with... We can all relate to how something that seems so straight forward in the beginning can somehow diverge into levels upon levels of complications. People are difficult to relate to. People change over their lifetime and the trick is, to find someone that can accept you at different stages.

The only thing that made me ache over Blue Valentine was the empathy I felt for these characters and how heartbreaking it is when something that was once so beautiful can end so tragically. So, basically...the whole movie.

If you want to skip the heartbreak and simply take away the good parts, I urge you to go download the movie's title song: "You and Me" by Penny and the Quarters. It's been on repeat for last three weeks on my ipod.

If Teen Witch Wins, We All Win

Boy, teenage movies really stoop to the lowest forms of problem solving don't they? Can't get recognition? Disguise yourself as the opposite sex! Wreck your dad's Porche? Hire a prostitute! Can't get a date? Resort to black magic! If I've learned anything at all, it's to grow up as quickly as possible and avoid those pesky teenage years all together.

Louise is a smart, bookish young girl who finds herself repeatedly on the outskirts of popularity. That is, until she discovers at the tender age of 16 that she has inherited special dark powers of the witches of old. Louise is finally able to turn her luck around and gets a chance to become the ring leader of the in-crowd in this surprisingly musical-esque sprinkled teenage comedy.

You know who Louise reminds me of? Jamie Sullivan from A Walk to Remember. A bookish outsider with one tragic quality: Leukemia. Err, did I go too dark? Okay, you know else Louise reminds me of? Carrie. There... phew... Quirky teenage reference quickly mended.

Louise, Jaimie and Carrie all share vast similarities. Their outsiderness combined with their one killer instinct: their willingness to be themselves among an unforgiving crowd. Unfortunately for a few of them, (you know who you are) these stories turn out to be more tragic than one would've hoped.

Yet Louise struggles in many of the same ways that any teen comedy protagonist might find herself in. Her unforeseen identity, the dreamy ideals and the power that lay within. For Louise, the struggle is not in the getting what she wants but alas, it is discovering that it may not always be what you wanted. When her abilities in the area of the dark arts come alive, she finds herself quick to accept how easy it all was. Suddenly she's being picked up for school by the star football player, shaking her pom poms in the cheerleading squad and having her look copied by dozens of overzealous wannabe schoolmates. Do these people really find her as charming and as beautiful as she has conjured them into being? Does Brad really love her for her, or if he just under her spell?

Yet when Louise and Brad finally kiss, it's one of the hottest tongue-kissing scenes any 8 year old could ever get her grubby little hands on. Even watching it as a, (gulp!) almost 30 year old, I found my palms sweating. Get a good look at Brad's cut off sleeves? Hot.

While Louise is questioning her choice in blindly accepting her popularity, her odd friend and fellow witch, Madame Zelda is happy to step in to remind her that life is no picnic. She persuades her to consider that you may never know whether people are true in their feelings or not, and to accept this happiness even if it's false. Throughout the third act of the movie, you find yourself almost hoping that Louise will remember who she is and sprint as quickly as she can back to her former nerdy best friend. That surely Louise, being an intelligent and reasonably sensible gal, that she'll come to her senses and reveal the true message: It's best to be honest and true to yourself, for therein lies true happiness, (and all that malarkey).

Tragically, Louise chooses the opposite! She remains steadfast in her honest opposition and happily accepts the unknown. She never makes up with her best friend, she never tells anyone she's tricked them by sorcery, and she remains the most popular girl in school with her beloved Brad by her side.

And what, pray tell, are we as the nerdy underdogs, the fledgling viewers to take away from this message? Get into the dark arts. It's your only way out.

Why 80's Movies Are Scary as F*ck

Ever notice a clear difference in the way we enjoy film from the 80's and the way we enjoy it now? I mean, they just went for it back then. Drugs, sex, cursing, violence... All sense of PC-ness just went out the window.

I can remember watching Arachnophobia in Day Care. (1990, but you can see where I'm going with this.) I watched Weird Science at a Lock-In and even at that young age, I felt like I was doing something naughty. Watching movies from the 80's put some things into perspective about the differences between cinema of the 80's and cinema of today.

1) The Last Dragon: New York City was quite a different place back then. There is a clear lack of kidnapping and wandering into abandoned factories to have Ninja fights that is absent from the New York City we find ourselves in today.

2) Weird Science: High School students create a human from a computer.

3) Dirty Dancing: Illegal cabin abortions and the attempt to earn the respect of your father through the power of dance.

4) Just One of the Guys: Picnicking in abandoned caves at night. Students bringing snakes to school and a coach performing surprise jock strap checks.

5) The Explorers: Middle School students build a rocket ship to another planet and find aliens who enjoy watching television from the 40's.

6) The Peanut Butter Solution: Horrifying.

7) Goonies: A group of boys are chased underground until they find an abandoned pirate ship full of skeletons.

8) Heathers: Everybody dies.

9)Labyrinth: Goblins steal a girl's baby brother and she's forced to befriend trolls and brave the Bog of Eternal Stench while the Goblin King threatens her life. What?

10) Little Monsters: Underground worlds full of monsters lurk under every child's bed.

I don't know how we're all reasonably okay these days.